#15
I think there are certain individuals who genuinely dislike me because they can see me for the fraud that I am. As a result, I have a grudging respect for them.
#14
I sometimes worry that my inability not to crack a joke in even the most serious situations stems for my having been a stand up comedian in a former life.
#13
I try not to tell my therapist anything too negative. I don’t want her to think I’m actually mentally ill.
#12
Working with the public drove me to start practicing voodoo.
#11
I’m always afraid I might be pregnant. Even when it’s physically impossible.
#10
If I have a headache that’s isolated to just one area of my head, I’m certain it must be a tumor and the pain I feel is it getting larger.
#9
Every time I do something dangerous (swerving to avoid a car wreck, shocking myself, etc) and survive it, I secretly fear that I am actually dead and that the afterlife is just a bizarro continuation of real life.
#8
I have to fall asleep with the television on so I don’t have thoughts and worries plague me all night and prevent me from falling asleep.
#7
When I’m afraid my car is running out of gas, I sing “High Hopes” (the version made famous by Frank Sinatra.)
#6
I sniff every burner of my gas stove before I go to bed.
