MY PET CRAZY

#25

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:33:45 -0400

Every time my bastarding psychopath of an ex-boyfriend STOPS posting on his crappy blog, I hope it means he’s dead.

#24

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 15:47:55 -0400

I look under my bed before I go to sleep.

#23

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 15:46:47 -0400

I’m afraid of those automatic/electric toilets.

#22

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 15:45:18 -0400

Occasionally I get really paranoid and I am convinced that entire groups of my friends have banded together in hatred for me and just talk to me to be nice.

#21

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 15:44:53 -0400

When I am alone at night I have to have either music or television on in every room so that I don’t hear any weird noises. I guess I prefer to not hear the burglars or rapists entering the house.

#20

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 15:44:27 -0400

I’m afraid I’m the cause of most policy changes at work.

#19

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 15:43:32 -0400

Sometimes when I haven’t gotten any phone calls for awhile I obsessively turn my phone on and off to make sure it is still working.

#18

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 15:43:08 -0400

I worry that someone is hiding in my basement who will kill me as I sleep even though I’ve been down there earlier in the evening, there was no one there then & my basement has no windows.

#17

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 17:41:33 -0400

I check my refrigerator to make sure my cat hasn’t crawled into it while I had my back turned.

#16

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 17:39:41 -0400

I have over 100 cover versions of “Last Christmas” by Wham! and I listen to them year round.

#15

Thu, 08 May 2008 19:42:54 -0400

I think there are certain individuals who genuinely dislike me because they can see me for the fraud that I am. As a result, I have a grudging respect for them.

#14

Fri, 02 May 2008 18:10:37 -0400

I sometimes worry that my inability not to crack a joke in even the most serious situations stems for my having been a stand up comedian in a former life.

#13

Thu, 01 May 2008 17:05:31 -0400

I try not to tell my therapist anything too negative. I don’t want her to think I’m actually mentally ill.

#12

Thu, 01 May 2008 16:57:39 -0400

Working with the public drove me to start practicing voodoo.

#11

Thu, 01 May 2008 16:56:00 -0400

I’m always afraid I might be pregnant. Even when it’s physically impossible.

#10

Thu, 01 May 2008 14:57:00 -0400

If I have a headache that’s isolated to just one area of my head, I’m certain it must be a tumor and the pain I feel is it getting larger.

#9

Thu, 01 May 2008 11:43:09 -0400

Every time I do something dangerous (swerving to avoid a car wreck, shocking myself, etc) and survive it, I secretly fear that I am actually dead and that the afterlife is just a bizarro continuation of real life.

#8

Thu, 01 May 2008 11:24:00 -0400

I have to fall asleep with the television on so I don’t have thoughts and worries plague me all night and prevent me from falling asleep.

#7

Thu, 01 May 2008 11:00:00 -0400

When I’m afraid my car is running out of gas, I sing “High Hopes” (the version made famous by Frank Sinatra.)

#6

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 18:29:58 -0400

I sniff every burner of my gas stove before I go to bed.